What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
