I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He kissed a someone with a penis
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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