Sry I called you an 8
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
