It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Oh god it's open bar.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
