you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
