Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
