Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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