Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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