i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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