she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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