oh god the rape fog is back!
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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