My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
