Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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