five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
