i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
