Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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