There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
