My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
