it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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