I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
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Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
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The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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