I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
