My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
either way he was missing a nipple.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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