My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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