I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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