No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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