I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
