When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
