her vagina looked like bernie madoff
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
