Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
