Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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