literally had 100 drinks last night.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
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Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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