I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
