Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
