I'm so fucking centered right now
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
