actually, I'm a sock model
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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