: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
