dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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