tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Randomize
