Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
