He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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