My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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