I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
