how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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