I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
