Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
