There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
