im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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