Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
