They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
a search helicopter?!
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
