This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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