dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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