Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
