Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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