I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize