He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
