Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
