hell yes lets make some ravioli
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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