Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
