My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
