I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
