She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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