Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He felt like a one man threesome
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
