i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
