I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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