I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
