Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
