making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My penis needs a shock collar
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
