We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
