Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
